Charlie George for Christmas No.1!

It's at this time of year that someone launches a half-cocked campaign to get an utterly redundant song to number 1 in the UK charts for Christmas. Pathetic, futile behaviour and the sort of thing that fools no-one as they attempt to find some sort of spiritual meaning from the festive season.

But that's not going to stop us launching our own campaign - good god, no!  Yes, it all starts here, folks - it's time to put Charlie George at the top of the Christmas charts!

Our vision is to release a '45 (do they still make those?) featuring two songs that take the former lank-haired Arsenal legend as its subject.

On the A-side, 'I Wish I Could Play Like Charlie George', a song that begins with the plaintive ponderings of a small child building slowly to a tumult of ragtime exuberance leaving no-one in any doubt as to the virtues of the great man.



On the B-side, we propose 'The Charlie George Calypso', a Caribbean melody sung by what sounds like half a dozen North London types you saw down the pub on your last visit. Don't be fooled, however. With lyrics like "Have I seen Jesus Christ back on Earth? / No it's Charlie lying flat on the Wembley turf" this is a sure-fire hit backup to our main A-side gambit.



So let's get the message out there, people. Tell the world that Charlie George is the only true message we need this Christmas. Spread the word by getting on Facebook and use the hashtag #charlieatxmas.

And if that doesn't put paid to any plans Simon Cowell's got inside his head, nothing will.

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Arsenal - Barclays League Division One review (VHS), 1989

A warm welcome to Rich Nelson, the man behind the wonderful Nelson's Column and designer of Kits 5 and 6 on our League of Blogs 2012 wallchart. He's discovered a VHS tape that covers one of the major high points in Arsenal's history...

Not quite from the Football Attic, this is a treasure from the Football Garage (aka Nelson’s Column). The video was a present for being so brave…

My first experience of travel sickness on the way to a school trip to Suffolk in July 1989, the nine-year-old Rich N survived, and returned home to be greeted by happy parents and a shiny shrink-wrapped purchase from the Islington Woolworths. I couldn't claim to be any sort of connoisseur of production values with my collection, mostly of Transformers and various editions of The Big Match (unknowingly recorded over with Coronation Street), but just pressing 'Play' on the video player was like I'd become a true sophisticate. Flowing titles, a saxophone-heavy soundtrack and the dulcet tones of Jim Rosenthal were in place, and it was time to remember the finest end to a season ever, far closer than its poor relation, May 2012.

The video opens like all good stories - with the ending. We see the glorious champions deep in the bowels at Anfield, drowning in champagne and enjoying their new found trophies (in the days when the sponsors had their own cup). Do we even need to sit and watch the rest? Of course we do. Like a shiny Ceefax, we're provided with the pre-season odds of 16-1, and a review of the transfers in and out. The games themselves are commentated on by a young Martin Tyler, summing up the goals with his usual excitement, despite the fact that he clearly was doing it from the comfort of a studio. We're treated to a jazzy solo to tell us about Paul Davis breaking the jaw of Glenn Cockerill, with a slow mo replay of Davis getting to his feat prior to the incident (which isn't included - the video is rated E, after all).

The first match of the 1988/89 season kicked off on Saturday 27 August. Who says players didn't get a huge rest after the exertions of England in West Germany that summer?  It included the only pre-match amble, and there was no time to acquaint ourselves with the surroundings. You'll have to be happy with a quick pan of the car park in Plough Lane and be done with it. We weren't even lucky to get any highlights of the Mercantile Credit Centenary Trophy which Arsenal would win; not a single goal from the three matches played. There are also no highlights from the FA Cup, and only one goal from the Littlewoods Cup, a stunner from Rocastle at Anfield. Even then, the cups weren't even considered filler material. Try telling that to Arsenal in 1993 and 1994, or even today...

Tyler takes us along at a steady pace, marvelling at the goalscoring exploits of Alan Smith, and then to the biggest travesty of all. You know someone's made a big enough error that they own up straight away, drawing attention to the mistake. The front cover of the video says ALL THE GOALS in a rather large font. The small print on the back says differently: "Due to technical difficulties, we are unable to include highlights of Gary Megson's goal for Sheffield Wednesday".

They also didn't include a saved penalty, or even mention who the culprit was. Would we stand for it today? No! There isn't a clip of the goal on YouTube, and I can only imagine Gary Megson today trying to prove his worth by talking about that goal, one of twenty-five in over two hundred matches for The Owls. The goal was missed and the boast on the cover was wrong – a big dropping of the ball there.

We were even treated to the occasional Big Match commentary by Brian Moore - complete with ITV graphics, impending advert break box in the corner, and numerous mentions of a camera in the back of the goal. In a game at Nottingham Forest, the camera was perfectly positioned to see Forest keeper Steve Sutton save a penalty. Unfortunately the camera position didn't allow the viewing of the kick being taken in the first place... We got the same treatment of Liverpool's visit to Highbury, along with some extreme close ups of John Barnes slapping his own thighs after hitting the bar with a free kick.

With Arsenal flying into February at the top of the league, we're met with a slightly strange caption. The next five games are listed - Coventry (a), Luton (h), Millwall (h), Nottingham Forest (h) and Charlton (h), yet the title is for Winter Wobbles, yet the Charlton game was on March 21st - hardly winter. Spring Stutter? Balls-ups against teams that aren't in the top division anymore? By this time the title odds are revisited and Arsenal are evens! No mention of which bookies were giving these odds, and certainly no mention if any were paying out yet.

The final few matches are treated as a pure head-to-head, albeit with Liverpool's games in hand after Hillsborough. The table is cut to two teams, and only shown prior to the Arsenal matches. We even come across a young(er) Alan Parry, declaring almost every goal as a Goal of the Season contender.

But we're left with the title decider - Liverpool v Arsenal, 26 May 1989, immortalised in print and film. Extended highlights are featured, but we don't need to go into them too much. The coverage was ITV's, Brian Moore was the commentator. They include the famous shot of Steve McMahon saying "one minute left" to everyone in earshot, the occasional backpass… The clock in the corner counting past ninety minutes, before the regular on-screen graphics were used as a matter of course. The famous goal was scored, the trophy was lifted, and Jim described it as the greatest finish to a season of all time.

The tape has finished, it needs rewinding… I fancy watching it again!

Our grateful thanks to Rich Nelson for writing this wonderful guest post. If you love football nostalgia and have something you'd like to write for us, get in touch - email admin [at] thefootballattic [dot] com and tell us all about it...

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England v Team America, 1976 Bicentennial Cup

As far as away kits go, England have only ever worn yellow on four occasions. Three of them were during the summer of 1973, the most notable of which was a World Cup qualifier against Poland. The other occasion, however, was for the 1976 Bicentennial Cup, a four-team competition celebrating the 200th anniversary of the USA's Declaration of Independence.

Luckily enough, England had failed to qualify for the finals of the 1976 European Championship, so what better way to spend the summer than to play across the pond against Italy, Brazil and a team representing the United States made up of a wide range of players including Pelé and Bobby Moore.

Here's a chance to see some of the action, plus of course that rarest of rare sightings - England in yellow...

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English Football Grounds VHS - Part 1

I have a confession to make... I have an obsession with stadiums. I blame it all on the San Siro and Italia 90. It’s my issue and I’ve come to peace with it. It does, however, mean I have several rather nerdy items in my football collection. The truly awesome Football Grounds of Europe by Simon Inglis, several volumes of Football Grounds from the Air... and this video...

The film opens with a shot of an empty Molineux stand and through the magic of cross fading, the ground slowly fills up, noise level rising as it does. Finally, the players run out on to the pitch to a cacophony of cheers. This then fades to black and some truly awful late 70s synth soundtrack kicks in... welcome to the world of low budget videos people!

The titles then inform us that the video is introduced by the legend that is Alan Mullery.

Never mind the quality, feel the...er...Mullery?

And then he appears. Eloquent, fluid, erudite, mellifluous... these are all words that describe the polar opposite of Mr. Mullery’s presenting style...and I use the word ‘presenting’ in its loosest possible sense. The best way I can describe Alan’s segues is you get the creeping sense that he’s been taken hostage by a terrorist group and with gun to head, is being forced to read out his plea to the Prime Minister, only for someone to have replaced the carefully prepared script at the last minute with some stuff about football league grounds... His eyes darting left to right as he struggles to muster any real enthusiasm for the words he’s supposedly written, there are clear signs of torture... though it’s us who is suffering, toes curling to extremes.

“In the next 70 minutes (oh lord!) or so, we aim to show you the huge changes that have taken place in the last few years...”

Just read that quote again then remember this was filmed in 1994. Now think of the state of most grounds in 2012 and you get the feeling Alan’s brain would have melted...though based on this video, I think it was almost there.

Thankfully, we soon get to the meat of the video and, with the hint dropped that we’re off to the ‘far north’, what feast of the senses are we treated to? Which huge ground do we get sight of to cease our pavlovian salivating?

This...

OK...

“So where are we off to first Dave?” enquires a disembodied female voice.
“Izzup to the norfeast to sint jamezzzzez park”, comes the answer.
Despite the shaky production values and obviously limited budget, it’s at this point that the video really does come into its own.  This is the first glimpse you get of St James’ Park...

I can see it!!!

This is less than 20 years ago, but the place is hardly recognisable.

The quirkiness then continues where the team decide to include the scene where they announce that “the first thing they should do is go to reception and get permission to go into the ground”. There’s detail and there’s DETAIL!

Once ensconced within, the changes that have taken place “in the last few years” are detailed. This was at a time when St James’ Park was halfway through its first major rebuilding phase, with the 2 ends being transformed from terracing to steep banked seating with their deep covered roofs. At this stage, only one of those ends had been completed; the other was still a low, open terrace and there’s still terracing in the main stand. The commentary makes the point that ‘fans familiar with the ground just a few years ago, wouldn’t recognise it today’ and, following a camera sweep around it, it’s hard to see anyone from the present recognising that particular incarnation of the ground.  Also of note, there’s not a single Sports Direct logo anywhere, though there is a Northern rock hoarding.

It’s also interesting to note that Keegan was so popular at the time, he even drew a crowd waiting for a bus...

Gimme Shelter...

We then move onto Middlesbrough, accompanied by some cod Wurlitzer style tunes...lovely! So...what did the Riverside look like in 1994? This...

Not actual size

Of course,  it wasn’t yet built for the ‘Boro still played at Ayresome Park in 1994. With no hint of irony given how soon they were to abandon the place, the narrator tells us that this is a place steeped in history. Hmmm...

History smells funny...

Without warning, Alan pops up again to deliver a stunning anecdote about playing Brian Clough for the first time...and by stunning, I mean deathly. I have a suspicion that Steve Coogan has this video in his collection somewhere. Needles to say, he had the last laugh.

So where are we off to next on this odyssey from Newcastle to Wembley?  Why, York City of course!

After the now obligatory ground pan, we’re treated to some footage of York against Colchester from the 1992/3 season for no apparent reason, other than maybe to show what a game looks like if you film it from behind a support column.

Mmmm... Posty...

One exciting anecdote from Alan later and we’re off to yet another ground that no longer exists... a beautifully snow covered Leeds Road in Huddersfield. While progress is a natural thing in life and most of these grounds were archaic even in the 90s, it is rather saddening to see so much that is now housing developments and supermarkets. Yes the grounds that replaced these decrepit old homes have better seating, views and facilities, but they also look so damn similar! The true joy of this video is the sheer variety of stands and terraces you get, often all within one ground. These places told a story. You could often see the history of a club just by looking from left to right.

At least what was to be known initially as the McAlpine Stadium was a rather unique looking thing in itself and can be seen here mid-construction.

At this point it was known as the McAlp

Here’s Alan again... Shankly, Dennis Law, 6 goals, Frank Worthington, Trevor Cherry all get a mention and I’ll cut him some slack here... he’s clearly speaking from memory rather than a cue card and a genuine sparkle is detectable as he tells us how none of them ever got a result there.

It’s Ewood Park now and here we have yet another ground in the middle of being built. This was of course the time when Jack Walker’s millions were transforming the club and the ground itself. Fast forward 18 years and how things have sadly changed...

Then to Anfield - or not as they clearly weren't allowed in, so instead some footage of them destroying Crystal Palace and some exterior shots of the famous Kop... where it can be seen that in 1994, you could get into a Liverpool game for £8... to repeat, that’s EIGHT POUNDS!

8 Quid???

A shot of the Hillsborough memorial then serves as what feels like a somewhat tasteless link to move on to Sheffield Wednesday’s ground. For a second...then it’s on to the red half of Manchester.

“A vast amphitheatre...now complete”. Complete in the sense of the old terracing having just been converted into seating and the roof line joined up, taking the capacity to a then mammoth 40,000. Only 2 years later, the huge, 3 tier stand took shape and kicked off the next phase of Old Trafford’s redevelopment.

Next up, Sheffield United and Dave “Harry” Bassett, the then manager, gives us quite an accurate description of the state of football ground development at the time, pointing out that since the Taylor report, a lot of grounds higher up the league have improved immensely, while those further down are stuck in less than desirable surroundings. The most interesting thing about his piece to camera, though, is that he doesn’t appear to take a breath all the way through. Honestly, he never once stops talking. A quick pan round the ground, which I have to say, looks like a shed, and up pops Dave again, detailing all the forthcoming changes to Brammal Lane... and again, no pausing. Either he’s nervous or he’s just imbibed a handful of speed.

Breathe Dammit!!!!

It's then off to Chester City's brand new Deva Stadium... and at this point (not even half an hour into the video), I'll pull into the motorway services for a 'comfort break' and see you all again in part 2...

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'All The Way' (England Football Team), 1988

Officially the second worst England Football Team song ever*, this was released as a rallying call for Euro '88.

When the First Round of said tournament was over, England's record in Group B read 'Played 3, Lost 3.'  Whoever had the bright idea of calling it 'All the Way' must have had a very oblique sense of humour indeed...

(* The song peaked at number 64 in the UK charts, just two places better than 'We've Got The Whole World At Our Feet', released for Mexico '86.)

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Hero - The Official Film of the 1986 FIFA World Cup

Mexico 86! Again?  Sorry... I don’t just cut 'n' paste these articles you know, but given my football nostalgia begins at this juncture, it’s no real surprise it’s a common reference point.

Anyway, there was a World Cup held in Mexico in 1986 and, as with all World Cups since 1966, FIFA produced an official film. You could tell it was an official FIFA product as it was supplied in a brown envelope and cost £300K in used notes plus a vote in some bidding process. Ha! Satire!  Hello, is this thing on? Sorry... again...

And so to the film, and we begin with footage of Maradona (the Hero you see) gliding through the England defence on his way to score what became the 'Goal of the Century' accompanied by what some may call a cod-Aztec synth riff, closely followed by the mandatory-for-the-mid-80s, syn-drums. This was 1986. Rick Wakeman was providing the soundtrack. Prog rock may have been dead, but keyboards were very much alive. "Worldmark Soccer International Presents" a "Challis / Maylan Production"- "Hero - The Official Film of XIII World Cup..."

The film itself begins by covering the devastating earthquake that so nearly cost the country host status only eight months prior to the tournament’s opening match. To this day it remains a great credit to Mexico recovering in such a short space of time. Contrast that with the current situation in Brazil, who’ve so far struggled just to build the infrastructure needed, let alone rebuild any of it. Stirring music plays as the story is told, then as kids play soccer in the streets, contrasted with footgage of "local boy" Hugo Sanchez in Mexico's first match of the finals, the keyboards are back with a vengeance. A much longed for Sanchez goal brings understandably jubilant scenes in Mexico's still ravaged streets.

Hero - Opening Titles

(NB I'd embed the YouTube video, but Blogger can't find it...it can find Part 2 though!)

After that it's headlong into the bit we all came for; the football, narrated here by Michael Caine doing his best Michael Caine from The Italian Job impression. Greats like Francescoli and Laudrup are showcased in Denmark's mauling of Uruguay, then we link nicely to Denmark's own downfall at the hands of Spain. It’s at this point that the fact this is a ‘film’ as opposed to a record of the event comes to the fore, as a narrative, a story arc, must be forged. To this end, instead of following the tournament in a vaguely chronological fashion, the film details the various routes taken by the more notable teams.

While this approach may provide some dramatic tension, albeit tension somewhat deflated by the keyboard tinklings of Mr. Wakeman, it does leave one with a rather disjointed view of the whole affair.  It also suffers from arc-crash, which is a term I’ve just made up. What I mean is, they follow a certain team down their route to the final, e.g. Argentina. However, Argentina play England in the quarter final, so then we have to jump back to the first round to cover England’s progress to said match.

This method of storytelling, while effective, means that Maradona (the Hero, remember) doesn't feature 'til nearly 20 minutes in and England some while later. As I say, it makes a change from the usual method, but it does often leave you wondering which round you’re watching... and why. Then again, if you want more comprehensive coverage of every goal scored, you may want to track down a copy of ‘Every Goal of Mexico 86’ - though having watched it, I’d advise against it, graced as it is by Martin Tyler in full on ‘reading from the script auto-pilot monotone’ mode and poor man's synth track played through a pillow.

As well as the storyline flying all over the place, the soundtrack also takes a similar flight path, though appears to crash into several objects on its way, such is the jarring nature of it at times. This happens in the form of teams having their own little signature tune, meaning every time, say, France appear, we are treated to a shot of the crowd chanting about their beloved 'Bleus.' This chant isn’t seamlessly blended into the soundtrack however - rather it smashes into it at high speed, meaning the classic quarter final and nerve-shredding penalty shoot-out between France and Brazil is played out to a soundscape that bolts together Mexican Cheese Synth, Cockney narration, “VIVA, VIVA, VIVA LES BLEUS! VIVA!!!” and “Loooooo, lo looooo, lo loooooo, lo lo BRAZIL!”

In spite of these issues, the football itself is served up very well with lots of quality footage, plenty of time given to the stand out teams and matches and goals and replays given the right balance between ‘Ooh let’s see that again’ and the more modern phenomenon of ‘What did that goal look like from the POV of a passing crow?’

To summarise, yes it has its idiosyncrasies and has a distinctly cheesy feeling, but Hero is still a very entertaining watch and does manage to tell the story of Mexico 86 well. The FIFA films do seem to capture the nature of the tournament, with Hero being all bright colours and hard, midday shadows, contrasting nicely with the Official Film of the 1990 World Cup - Soccer Shootout - a much more sombre affair.

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