Al Gordon's Five Subbuteo Items They Never Made

Following on from our Top 5 Subbuteo Items articles, regular Football Attic contributor Al Gordon of God, Charlton & Punk Rock has come up with a novel twist on the idea...his top 5 Subbuteo accessories they never made...

Subbuteo had pretty much every angle of the beautiful game covered didn't they? From ambulance men to TV commentators, from floodlights to dugouts, every fixture and every fitting was scaled down and turned into plastic so that we could recreate the whole mesmerising experience in our living rooms when it was far too miserable outside to kick a real football about.

Have you ever noticed gaps in the catalogue though? Have you seen something on a Saturday afternoon and wished you had the miniature version back at home. Streakers were never an official accessory but a table football shop in Wales saw the need and created their own.

Here are five items I’d add given half the chance, not everybody’s cup of tea I’ll admit so please feel free to comment and tell me what you’d have added to Subbuteo to give it even more charisma.



1. The Invacar

A little blue three wheeled car often gracing the screen during The Big Match, parked at the side of the pitch in front of the scarf twirling horde. A car for invalids, even the name is perfectly politically incorrect!

An NHS initiative, these government subsidised cars sold by the thousand and were guaranteed to give you a perfect view of the match. In 2003 it became illegal to drive one on British roads and those still going were scrapped. Stamford Bridge was always a favourite haunt for them with its big area between pitch and terraces, there was almost enough room to have a half time demolition derby!

The likes of Matchbox never made one, I don’t believe they even made a three wheeled Reliant Robin so as a child it was impossible to park one by my green Subbuteo fencing. A small plastic car would have been an ideal addition and just to give it a totally lifelike feel, any wayward shots could make the tiny car rock in the same way that it did occasionally at League grounds up and down the country.

Nowadays wheelchairs quite often line up in front of the stands. Plastic men in plastic wheelchairs, I think it would be even less PC to flick giant footballs at them in the hope of knocking them over!

2. Flags and Banners

In truth, the tiny supporters had enough trouble holding their own body weight up, especially when things got a little heated and the stands started rocking. Expecting them to hold aloft a flag when replaying the cup final was asking an awful lot of them.

The idea of flags draped over the edge of the stands and the more modern idea of huge flags being moved along the length of the stadium above head height are, I suppose, the kind of accessories we could make at home to personalize our collections. This is after all a game aimed at our imaginations and kids of all ages have the best colouring skills don’t they?

My mum would have positively encouraged me to cut little rectangles out of my pillowcase and my school shirt to recreate banners at a European cup match as Charlton entertained a top Italian side and their supporters. Can you imagine Subbuteo ‘ultras’ ?

Firecrackers and smoke in the plastic grandstand! It wouldn’t be seats torn up and thrown that annoyed the stadium staff but stands melted instead. Ideas of how to mix your chemistry homework and table football spring to mind in a bid to find the perfect coloured smoke…

Those rather stiff looking English ‘bobbies’ would have had their work cut out keeping all twenty-five of my spectators under control. Especially ‘arms aloft’ man, he looked rowdy.

3. The Merchandise Stall

Every league ground has a club shop, every league ground also has some kind of unofficial stall selling cheap merchandise as well. You know the kind, the ones who sell shoddy tat items of desire, the proceeds of which go nowhere near the club.

Again, not so popular in Subbuteo’s heyday but in this resurgence the game is having now, let’s bring the accessories up to date.

Available in a range of colours this item doesn’t need to be much bigger than the original TV gantry and would certainly add a splash of colour to the proceedings, especially if you’re using early 80’s kit and everything else is green and brown.

If you want to recreate The Kop behind one of your goals, those supporters would have to buy their scarves somewhere wouldn’t they? And if you’re collection was more akin to a Conference or League Two ground you could always go the Fleetwood Town route and buy ‘supermarket trolley man’.

4. The Tea Hut

I don’t know about you, but I may have had a grandstand, a corner terrace, two open terraces and floodlights at best and none of my friends had enough to fill all four sides of the ground either. As much as we wanted our own little Wembley, we all had at least one side of the pitch that looked bare at best.

What better way to fill it than the good old fashioned tea hut or burger van then? I was happily having half time lemonade whilst stretching my flicking finger during the interval, yet those photographers/managers/supporters/giant corner kickers all stood there motionless whilst the teams changed ends.

If they are going to stand in one place for far too long why not make it more realistic and let them stand motionless in a queue for a meat pie? To give the game an even more realistic twist you could always restart the match with twenty hungry souls still lining up awaiting their turn at the counter.

Again in keeping with a unique and personal feel, the little white caravan or brown wooden hut could be painted in your favourite clubs colours, perhaps your little Italian ultras could even set fire to it when you’ve thumped them 12-5?

5. The Rock Band

Wembley has seen it, Maine Road has seen it, and even The Valley has seen it. Rightly or wrongly football grounds are used for outdoor music concerts. Why should your cloth pitch be any different.

A little stage in the penalty area with a tiny plastic four piece strumming away to your favourite LP. The ground full of festival goers getting into the groove, the chemistry set back out to recreate the funny odour of their strange cigarettes……

OK, I see a problem.

Did any of us have enough supporters to carry out a mild pitch invasion? Did any of them stand on their own two feet? If all mine laid down head to toe they wouldn’t fill the centre circle, let alone recreate Live Aid! ‘Arms aloft’ man would certainly look like he was singing along to every word though.

This ‘stadium tour’ for some millionaire rock band would soon take on the appearance of a rather poorly attended pub band, so popular with their audience that the majority were laying down except of course for the press photographers and the St john’s ambulance man.

Charles Stadden is a gentleman who created many wonderful items for a selection of toy manufacturers including Scalextrix and Subbuteo. He did once produce a small number of miniatures of The Beatles, not a Subbuteo accessory as such but he obviously saw the same hole in the market as me.

Once again, our thanks go to Al for this great post. If you'd like to write an article for The Football Attic, contact us at admin [at] thefootballattic [dot] com or catch us on Twitter or Facebook.

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Rich J's 5 Worst Subbuteo Items

At the recent Socrates meet up, an interesting discussion arose, inspired by our original five top Subbuteo articles (here and here). What were the worst five?

There was an almost unanimous verdict that the worst of the lot was number one on this list, but what would the other four be? Subbuteo produced a raft of accessories so it should be pretty easy to find five terrible ones surely? Well, not as easy as you'd think.

Using the wealth of info on the Peter Upton site, I trawled through them all and if I'm honest, I was hard pushed to complete a top five! While a lot of accessories were superfluous (the police set or 'players warming up' for example), at least they added to the atmosphere and they were only ever intended as diorama figures, so here I'm concentrating on things which seemed to either serve no purpose whatsoever or were just bad at what they were designed to do.

So...here are my five worst Subbuteo items.

1. Throw in takers (C132)

Ping... OUCH!

Anyone that ever used these will know just how crap they were. On the surface, they look quite good... nicely sprung base, outstretched hands; should work like a dream! Oh no, for unless you had at least three hands or perhaps some kind of Wallace & Grommit system of pullies and levers, you were screwed.

The fundamental problem was the entire design. Let's just run through how one had to use it and then detail why it was so bad.

Hold ball in front of throw in taker, press the springy bit back and release. Simple, yes? No. Holding the ball was the easy part, but getting it to spring was where you needed the extra limb. The base wasn't heavy enough to either hold the thing steady or to cope with Newton's 3rd Law of Motion. With one hand you had to hold the base to make sure he didn't ping into your eye while the ball hovered awkwardly in space like the shy kid at the school dance... in space. You then had to bend the thrower part back and release it, ideally as smoothly as possible. The issue here was the part you had to grip wasn't very big so obtaining any sort of purchase usually involved fingernails and I dread to think how many expletives were uttered when said fingernail was bent backwards (lots in my case).

Of course, all this may be purely down to my own inabilities, but even then, once you mastered it, the ball's direction was still subject to a great deal of chance, what with the ball being grossly out of scale to the hands doing the throwing.

Surely a few minor tweaks could have improved this? A larger flicking area and maybe a cup shape to hold the ball in place so one hand could hold him down while the other flicked to throw? But, no...that would have looked stupid and detracted from the realism... a bit like having a giant suddenly appear on the pitch to take a corner... oh wait.

2. Throwing / Kicking Goalkeepers (C202/3) & Pack of Assorted Goalkeepers (61211) 

WHY???

I never owned these and the simple reason for this is they are absolutely bloody pointless! I concede you could use them for taking goal kicks, rather than using an outfield player... and maybe the throwing figure for throwing the ball out, but there was already an accessory to do both of these jobs in the form of the corner kick taker! There had also previously been available 'spare' goalkeepers, which were just normal players painted to look like keepers for the aforementioned tasks. Added to this was the slight problem of the figures not actually being properly balanced so your goal kicks were being taken by the equivalent of Bruce Grobelaar in permanent 'wobbly leg' mode.

Hatred on a stick

Still, at least these were on proper player bases and not the usual goalie sticks... no, hang on - they existed as well. Someone please explain to me what the point of a goalie holding the ball is when he's trying to save it? Mind you, at least he's doing something unlike the dude with his arms down! What's he? 'Pre-kick off goalie'? Why not just go the whole hog and have 'Driving home after the match goalie on a stick' or 'Sit down protest Neville Southall goalie on a stick'? I loved you Subbuteo, but you really did test me at times!

3. Spring Goalies (61123)

BOING...GOAL!

While on the subject of goalie accessories, these fell squarely into the category of 'looks like a genuine improvement - utterly useless in reality'.

What should have delivered extra excitement as your keeper 'sprang' into action, making dramatic diving saves left, right and... well, not centre... in actuality delivered a keeper whose sole source of strength (his stiff rod... settle down at the back there!) was swapped for something rather floppy and useless (Right, detention you two!)

To actually get him to utilise the extra spring in his step, you'd have to almost slam him towards the post, which made for less than precise saving action. On the flipside, any decent shot would see him bend over backwards to let the ball in the net. If only there was some way of not having to see such dismal displays... ah, let's use the...

4. Floodlights (C101)

LIES!

Ah, the thrill of owning the floodlights! Our younger readers (do we have any?) may need to Google 'floodlights', robbed these days of the chance of seeing the four-shadowed figures ghost across the park in the winter gloom.

Us older people will remember them and the excitement of owning a set to host your own evening kick-offs in Subbuteo world. These were one of the most expensive accessories you could get and as there were only two in the box, most of us held our first match with just half of the pitch illuminated.

The tension builds as one removes them from the box, inserts the 4 D-size batteries and finally switches them on. How glorious they look! Now for that true touch of authenticity, one switches off the living room light... Hello? Where did everyone go?  Why is there something with less power than a candle creating a tiny pool of orange in the near distance?

'Floodlights' was an over optimistic description. 'Damp squib' would be more appropriate. You were then faced with two options. Play the match in darkness a mole would struggle with or flick the light back on and accept that Subbuteo hated you and your whole family.

5. Subbuteo World Cup (C157)

Whatever...

No, not the Jules Rimet Trophy or the C182 World Cup Trophy, but the "Subbuteo World Cup".

I own this and the only reason I can give you for why is that it's pretty rare. That's about it. It's ugly and utterly meaningless. I had assumed it was a replica of the trophy presented to the winners of the Subbuteo World Cup tournaments, but apparently not.

The best reason for its existence, as detailed on the Peter Upton site seems to be that:

"Charles Stadden had produced Subbuteo's version of the Jules Rimet, but I have been told that he did not like the design of the new trophy, and refused to copy it. Perhaps this was the result. Whatever the reasons, this trophy was replaced by an official copy of the new FIFA World Cup (C182) in 1981"

So they're mine... what are your worst five?

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League of Blogs Wallcharts - NOW AVAILABLE

Remember the League of Blogs? Remember when we all had fun together? You do? Well, that's marvellous, for I have have good news fellow League of Bloggers as the actual, physical wallchart posters are now available!

Took a while to find somewhere I could get them for a decent price for a decent size as I wanted them to look good and you know what..they do!

They are 20" x 30", printed on glossy photo paper, shown below...DVD of the awesome Sledge Hammer (look it up, then go buy it) included for scale.

DVD not included...

And so to the money side of things...and these are being done at virtually cost price.

£8.50 + £3 P&P

If you want one, email us at admin [at] the footballattic [dot] com and I'll let you know how you can pay.

Thanks,
Rich & Chris

You have read this article Kits / Subbuteo / The League of Blogs with the title Subbuteo. You can bookmark this page URL https://couplesfootballstadium.blogspot.com/2012/08/league-of-blogs-wallcharts-now-available.html. Thanks!

League of Blogs Sticker Album - Now Available

At 6pm today, I finally got my hands on the League of Blogs Sticker Album...and even if I do say so myself, it's pretty damn sweet! :)

Measuring 21cm x 28cm, it's roughly the size of an A4 softback book and features all 92 kits from the League of Blogs Wallchart, all served up in a Panini style.

There's a short history of the League of Blogs, the wallchart and the sticker album along with The Football Attic's 3 favourite designs.

And now you too can own one!

These will be available for £15 inc P&P (unless you live outside the UK, in which case we'll work out a price and let you know before you commit) and will include your very own design(s) in sticker form as an added extra.  NB The stickers images in the book are larger than the actual stickers so you can see them better.  If there's enough call for a 'blank' version of the book into which you could stick the stickers, we'll consider doing one.  The stickers would be extra...paper doesn't grow on...oh right...

So...to get your hands on one of these beauties, drop us an email at admin [at] thefootballattic [dot] com and we'll let you know how to send payment etc.

Addendum:  Just thought I better add that though we've called this a sticker album, the 'stickers' in there are printed directly into the book...

UPDATE - There are now 2 'blank' sticker albums available. These come with a full set of 95 stickers and are available for £25 each.

The pages will look like this...

So to summarise:

Standard album (with pre-printed pictures) - £15
Blank album + 95 Stickers - £25

You have read this article Panini / Subbuteo / The League of Blogs with the title Subbuteo. You can bookmark this page URL https://couplesfootballstadium.blogspot.com/2012/07/league-of-blogs-sticker-album-now.html. Thanks!

Subbuteo Catalogue 1973-74

Before I start, a slight disclaimer. This isn't a catalogue in the way we normally think of such things these days. It's actually a folded poster, but given the fact that it lists all the Subbuteo teams and accessories available to buy throughout the 1973-74 season, one shouldn't be too critical - not least at this early stage.

And not least too because this is a lovely piece of football memorabilia that evokes that charming crudeness that comes with all things created decades ago. The cover, for instance, shows us four young Subbuteo players from Great Britain, France, Italy and Germany extolling the virtues of this truly international table soccer game. Throw in a few tried and trusted stereotypical phrases from the continent ("Wunderbar!") and you're off to a flyer.

Elsewhere on the unfolded front of this big 50 x 70cm poster, there were neat pictures of 'some exciting accessories by Subbuteo', if indeed fence surround panels could be deemed exciting. Still, to the young boy or girl entering this plastic fantasy world, what could be more thrilling than the thought of buying some splendid floodlights or indeed a pair of new 'World Cup-type Goals'?

If that wasn't enough to satiate your Subbuteo appetite, you could also pass a spare half-hour pondering on which boxed set you'd like for your next birthday or Christmas, perhaps. There were several sets to choose from, the best of which was the all-new 'Munich World Series Edition'. Cunningly tied in with the upcoming World Cup in West Germany, this was the set that had it all including scoreboard, floodlights, TV Tower, ball boys, England team and "literature." Presumably the complete works of Shakespeare were not included in this respect.

Even if you'd picked up this football-dominated poster by mistake in your local toy shop, you were still potentially catered for. Subbuteo's now famous dalliance with rugby and cricket could also be found in miniature form along with Snooker Express, a game rarely heard of these days. In it, you had to flick a snooker player (think typical Subbuteo football player but dressed formally, chalking a cue) onto a small plastic cue ball in the hope that it would in turn pot one of the other coloured balls into a pocket. The whole thing was played within the confines of the box lid and was, by all accounts, fiendishly difficult to play. Full marks to Subbuteo for at least trying out the idea, though.

All this, however, was merely a sideshow for the main event. Without question, the vast majority of people buying this poster - sorry, catalogue - were doing so because they wanted to gawp longingly at the 165 kits displayed on the 'International Team Colours Chart'. Here there was the annual opportunity to wonder at the colours and designs rarely or never seen before.

Which team wears sky blue shirts with royal blue hoops? Who plays in red shirts with a white diagonal sash? Who on earth plays in all black with yellow trim?  Such were the inconsequential ponderings generated by this arrangement of player figures stuck into a white board and photographed for our pleasure.

When it came to answering the aforementioned questions, we did, of course, need a list and one was provided across almost the entire reverse side of the poster. Though Subbuteo in more recent years gave us the basic details of team name and number sorted alphabetically or numerically, here we had a grid containing sub-divided columns for Shirt and Short Colours (but not socks), 'English League First, Second, Third and Fourth Divisions, Scottish, Irish and Welsh Teams' plus 'International and World Cup Teams'. All delightfully over-complicated, despite the top border of the poster claiming this to be a "simple chart."

As is always the way, what you see by scanning across the vast lists of teams is a snapshot of world football as it was almost 40 years ago. There are Football League teams that no longer exist (Southport, Workington), teams that no longer occupy today's global spotlight (Rot-Weiss Essen (Germany), Red Star (France)) and teams that are frankly just misspelled or misunderstood (Atletico Bilbao, Fiorentino, etc.)

There's also a healthy supply of club teams from apartheid-era South Africa such as Cape Town City, Durban United and Southern Suburbs. Though Subbuteo would ultimately branch out into the world of NASL within a few years, this was the only way for players of all kinds to get a sense of club football beyond continental Europe back in 1973-74.

As if all that wasn't enough, you could always go for something completely left field where your team choices were concerned. You could pick up a Southern League team or two if the likes of Bishop Auckland and Burton Albion were your thing, or what about FC Subbuteo (Barcelona) or even United Kingdom?

There really was something for everybody back then, and amazingly this wasn't even the peak of Subbuteo's popularity. Happy days.

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League of Blogs Sticker Album

Calling all those who participated in the League of Blogs Wallchart!!!

We're in the process of putting together a Panini style League of Blogs Sticker Album...you may have seen some sneak preview shots on twitter.  Well here's one again...

As you can see, the general layout is your League of Blogs entry in a Panini style, complete with a tagline for your blog.  It'll be approximately a 30 page softcover album

At present, I'm getting these taglines from your blogs and in the absence of anything obvious, trying to put something that encompasses it.  However, the League of Blogs was created by you so if there's anything specific you want, just let us know...leave a comment here or get in touch with us via twitter.

Am nearing completion of the album so will need your entries pretty quickly. 

They will probably be around £15 for anyone who wants to buy one...so if you do, let me know asap so I have an idea of how many to order.

I'm also considering creating a blank sticker book version (the one being done at the moment has the 'stickers' pre-printed in the book) so you can get a set of stickers and complete it yourselves...but then that would be more expensive (as you'd have to buy the stickers as well), but also much more fun ;-)

So also shout if you'd like a blank version...

Posters are still in the pipeline too...

You have read this article Panini / Subbuteo / The League of Blogs with the title Subbuteo. You can bookmark this page URL https://couplesfootballstadium.blogspot.com/2012/06/league-of-blogs-sticker-album.html. Thanks!

The League of Blogs - Video gallery

You've probably been hearing a lot about The League of Blogs from us lately (and if it's too much, we apologise!) but we really are jolly pleased with the way everything panned out and the way all you wonderful bloggers came together to form such an impressive array of kit designs.

Up to now, your kits have appeared on our wallchart as a JPEG image (which you can view here), but due to technical limitations we haven't been able to show off the fine detail of all your designs to the full. Now, fortunately, we can!

To showcase all your hard work, we thought we'd put together a video montage showing nice, big, clear images of all 92 kits featured, and here it is!



Take a look and see if you can spot your own designs (if you submitted one) and do leave us a comment to tell us which are your favourites (apart from your own, that is!)

Once again, we thank you all for your participation in The League of Blogs. It's been a fun project and one we were glad to share with all of you.

You have read this article Design / Kits / Subbuteo / The League of Blogs with the title Subbuteo. You can bookmark this page URL https://couplesfootballstadium.blogspot.com/2012/05/the-league-of-blogs-video-gallery.html. Thanks!

The League of Blogs Wallchart is complete!

So it’s finally complete... the League of Blogs Wallchart has had its final (final) FINAL space filled, so let’s all take a moment to reflect on what has been a rather extraordinary journey...

The Completed League of Blogs Wallchart

 The Journey:

This excellent post by Chris got me thinking about my own years as an amateur kit designer and I suggested we design a kit for our blog. Chris agreed and I set about creating what now occupies spaces 1 and 2 on the wallchart. Happy with our newly acquired couture, Chris had a brainwave... we couldn’t be the only ones out there who loved kit design and there’s rather a lot of football bloggers out there... and what do most football bloggers also love?  Subbuteo! 

Chris put together the Subbuteo kit template and the first version of the wallchart with space for what we believed to be a rather optimistic 20 kits, and we were off. 

The original style wallchart

The brilliant @AndrewCHarding (andrewcharding) was the first blog to sign up with his design neatly representing his polka dot-based football artwork.

He was soon joined by @NelsonsColumn (nelsonscolumn.org) and serial LoB retweeter, @AlGordonCAFC (algordoncafc.blogspot.com) and from there it began to grow steadily.

Very soon, it became clear we were going to hit that golden 20 mark, so the wallchart was extended to 25 spots (and reformatted to a Tescophoto poster friendly 16x20 ratio).

Within a week it was obvious this too was not going to be enough and the halved format of the wallchart brought with it a set of limitations we’d never thought feasible. To that end, I took the decision to redraw the whole thing, taking inspiration from this particular Subbuteo wallchart and going for a portrait style poster.

And so the new format was born...

Ooooh portraity!

As the wallchart was now gathering popularity, it was more than doubled to hold 60 kits!  The excitement was tempered with a sense of tempting fate. Could we really fill another 35 spaces?  Well we all know the answer to that...

It was then we entered what I like to call the' rapid response insomnia phase' of the wallchart’s life span. This was the period where I’d become the default updater of the chart and was generally adding new kits every day - usually within the hour. I was also spending far too many late nights working on it, especially when knocking up a design for those without the necessary tools for the job. To say it was a labour of love is a huge understatement, and despite a slight sense of dread each time it became obvious I’d have to extend it again, how could I not be ecstatic to be in that situation?  I think the latest I worked one night was about 3.30am, but I was happy in my work.

Seventy spaces were filled, then 80... then crunch time. Interest was slowing down and it had to come to an end at some point...especially as I’d now added “2012” to the chart... Yes we’re doing it all again next year folks (he said, before slowly backing away from the baying mob).

Llandudnojetset H

And so the final figure of 92 was decided upon, nicely tallying with the number of Football League clubs and also one that fitted format of the chart without cramming them all in.


On the 20th May 2012, that 92nd spot was requested by @Llandudnojetset and the Football Attic League of Blogs Wallchart was complete... alas, due to there being only one slot left, we couldn’t feature both of their kits, so they asked for the away to go on the chart, and we therefore present the home kit here... a fine set of outfits!


Conclusions

I can honestly say this has been one of the most rewarding things I have ever done. To have been a part of something that united a total of 63 different blogs was just astounding and so much bigger than we ever imagined!  But of course, at the risk of sounding like a cliche, this genuinely would have been nothing without all of you who contributed so we'd both like to say a huge thanks to all who were involved and an extra special thanks to all those who retweeted / spread the word and helped this become what it has. 

Merch

Early on in this project, the idea of creating a real-world, physical copy of the wallchart was considered, and it’s still being considered and something we very much want to do. We’ll look into how this can be done and the costs involved and anything we do will be at cost.

Also along the way, in a rush of Panini love, I created sticker versions of the first batch of kits. I then bought some proper sticker paper and made them for real, and even though I say so myself, they look bloody awesome!

So so beautiful...

These will be a lot easier to produce as we can do them ourselves... just need some time to create the actual artwork for them all.

In order to work out how to pursue the above, anyone who’s interested in purchasing either, please let us know a.s.a.p. as the more interest we get, the cheaper it’ll be.

And with that, I shall go back to writing stuff about old FIFA films and other nostalgia...


Coming soon...
League of Blogs: "The Gallery"-style video...

You have read this article Kits / Subbuteo / The League of Blogs with the title Subbuteo. You can bookmark this page URL https://couplesfootballstadium.blogspot.com/2012/05/the-league-of-blogs-wallchart-is.html. Thanks!